Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby girl. July 5 was Skyleighs birthday, I can't believe its been a year. The day after the fourth last year I remember calling the doctor and going to the hospital. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to a 3, since we were doing a c-section it was go time. Being prepped for surgery was so hard, it was the final moment. The time I was going to be with her. My mom thought it was funny because I actually walked into surgery, I didn't feel like I needed to be wheeled over. It was pretty weird while laying on the table that just on the other side of a blue sheet my body was cut open. When the doctor broke my water it went everywhere, up my back, all over the floor,and all over the doctor and probably everyone else in the room. They had all the neonatal team in there just waiting for Skyleighs arrival. It happened and the neonatologist confirmed our fears. She wasnt going to be able to get the oxygen that she needed. Since we had decided for TLC care only they would not be giving her oxygen by other means. We just wanted her to be comfortable. I only got to see her for a few seconds before they took her out of the surgical suite. They still had to suture me up. I remember feeling like I was going to pass out, by blood pressure had dropped a great amount. Skyleigh had already passed by the time I got out of surgery. I was very sad because I never got to her hold her in my arms while she was alive, but I did get the joy of having her for almost 10 months. While in recovery Brian got to give her a bath and the neonatal nurses were so great they took lots of pics! We got to hold her and love on her for about five or six hours and we took a ton of pictures of our little angel. That was our only chance, we would never get to be with her ever again but her memory will never leave us.
A year later...of course we are better but our lives will never be the same. We are thankful that she didnt have to suffer here on earth. We hope her heavenly body is everything that she didn't have here. I wish I could see her smile and learn new things everyday, she is truly missed and will always be a missing part of my heart.

I love you always and forever.

I know this blog skipped ahead a lot from my last one but this is really whats on my mind since her birthday just passed.

Last little note: Hug your children often because you never know when your last chance will be.