Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet baby girl. July 5 was Skyleighs birthday, I can't believe its been a year. The day after the fourth last year I remember calling the doctor and going to the hospital. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to a 3, since we were doing a c-section it was go time. Being prepped for surgery was so hard, it was the final moment. The time I was going to be with her. My mom thought it was funny because I actually walked into surgery, I didn't feel like I needed to be wheeled over. It was pretty weird while laying on the table that just on the other side of a blue sheet my body was cut open. When the doctor broke my water it went everywhere, up my back, all over the floor,and all over the doctor and probably everyone else in the room. They had all the neonatal team in there just waiting for Skyleighs arrival. It happened and the neonatologist confirmed our fears. She wasnt going to be able to get the oxygen that she needed. Since we had decided for TLC care only they would not be giving her oxygen by other means. We just wanted her to be comfortable. I only got to see her for a few seconds before they took her out of the surgical suite. They still had to suture me up. I remember feeling like I was going to pass out, by blood pressure had dropped a great amount. Skyleigh had already passed by the time I got out of surgery. I was very sad because I never got to her hold her in my arms while she was alive, but I did get the joy of having her for almost 10 months. While in recovery Brian got to give her a bath and the neonatal nurses were so great they took lots of pics! We got to hold her and love on her for about five or six hours and we took a ton of pictures of our little angel. That was our only chance, we would never get to be with her ever again but her memory will never leave us.
A year later...of course we are better but our lives will never be the same. We are thankful that she didnt have to suffer here on earth. We hope her heavenly body is everything that she didn't have here. I wish I could see her smile and learn new things everyday, she is truly missed and will always be a missing part of my heart.

I love you always and forever.

I know this blog skipped ahead a lot from my last one but this is really whats on my mind since her birthday just passed.

Last little note: Hug your children often because you never know when your last chance will be.

It's even harder when you miss someone that wont' be coming back

In the next couple of weeks my amniotic fluid just kept increasing and increasing to a point that was not only becoming very uncomfortable (my back was killing me, to the point it hurt to walk)but was also a cause for concern. The weight and size of my uterus could cause a false feeling of being full term and cause me to start dilating too soon. I was only about 33 weeks at the time and we really wanted to try to prolong things if we could. After talking with the doctors I decided that I would have some of the fluid removed. To put a little perspective on things I asked one of the ladies that did my sonograms what a typical amount of fluid was and she said about 7-11 cm, I had 48cm when I went in to have some of my fluid removed. So the day we decided to have the fluid removed the doctor told me go home and then go the hospital at 6 and we will remove it tonight. So here we go, I was not expecting it to happen that night but I guess it was better than waiting. Getting the water drained was like having an amniocentesis but they take off a lot more fluid. I was attached to machines that monitored my contractions because that was one of things we had watch while having the fluid drained. With a sono going the whole time so they could make sure they didn't poke Skyleigh, they gave me a local and then inserted the larger needle they would use to draw off the fluid. They drew it off 300cc at time and the doctors and residents had to take turns drawing it out. In the mean while I started having slight contractions but they weren't too bad until after they were done. It took a couple of hours from start to finish and they ended up taking out what totaled to about 10cm of fluid. I had been having so much back pain before the procedure, but now that I was having contractions the pain was insane. On a pain scale from 1-10 it was definitely a ten. I could not get into a comfortable position. After some medicine and what seemed like an eternity the contractions had stopped and I got to go home. My back was still in so much pain I could barely walk. After a day or so of recovery I felt much better and with the fluid decrease I was able to get around much better. We weren't really in the clear. Another problem with having fluid drained is that it will come back, the doctor said that babies get used to a certain amount of water so they usually just produce more. We just had to hope that it wouldn't come back too fast.